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Monthly Archive for September, 2008

Prepare yourself for this Thursday’s vice presidential debate by printing out the rules below for this year’s Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game!  Without further delay, we bring you the rules.
For Sarah Palin:

Every time Palin mentions one of her kids by name, take the number of drinks corresponding to that child’s number in her brood (e.g. [...]

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At a speech in Michigan today, Sen. John McCain made a number of remarks accusing the media of rampant comedic bias in it’s coverage of his vice presidential candidate, Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin.
“Governor Palin is perfectly qualified to be vice-president,” the Senator began.  “She’s over thirty-five, a natural born American citizen and has lived in [...]

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As the weekend comes to a close, a number of undecided voters have had a chance to reflect on Friday’s first presidential debate.
“I don’t think either candidate took a clear lead,” remarked Sally Bedfield, an undecided voter from Columbus in the battleground state of Ohio.  “I breed and sell dogs and am very concerned about [...]

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Obama courting white supremacist vote

In an unexpected twist to the campaign, Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama actually appears to be winning over white supremacists and other racists.
Sen. Obama addressed Florida residents the other day just outside the Paradise Junction Mobile Home Park and Bait Store.  Despite many audience members donning pointed hoods and waving Nazi flags, the Illinois Senator [...]

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10:37pm: And the winner is… BOREDOM!
10:31pm: Seriously, if McCain was coach of the Cleveland Browns, he wouldn’t switch to Brady Quinn even if they started the season 0 - 11.
10:30pm: Can we impeach Obama after we find out he is a secret Al Qaeda operative, or is it, like, once we vote him in we’re [...]

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BREAKING NEWS: Philip Westford, reporter for the Wall Street Journal who recently joined a group of embedded reporters following Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama on the campaign trail, has provided us with a stunning revelation.
“I usually wouldn’t stalk the stall when the possible future leader of the free world is in there, but it takes [...]

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U.S. citizens with mental handicaps might not be able to do some activities that the rest of us take for granted.  Voting isn’t one of them.
“As I’ve continued to exploit my innocent newborn child and his genetic disorder in a vain attempt to sway the political conversation away from important issues such as the economy, [...]

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Biden in it for the street cred

Like a major label rapper droppin’ a hot verse on an underground mixtape, Delaware Senator Joe Biden admits he joined the Obama campaign more out of vanity than anything else.
“Where was Joe Biden in the history books two months ago?  Senator from Delaware?  Two time presidential loser?  I’ll tell you where.  Nowhere,” he said, injecting [...]

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Obama: “God bless racism!”

After a recent Associated Press-Yahoo! News Poll suggested that “Obama’s support would be as much as 6 percentage points higher if there were no white racial prejudice” — enough to easily tilt election results in Obama’s favor — the Democratic nominee unleashed an unexpected response.
“God bless racism!” exclaimed Sen. Obama.  “Here I was thinking I [...]

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Gil Scott-Heron, seminal black recording artist and writer/performer of the groundbreaking, politically-charged classic “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised”, has changed his tune.
“I have to admit,” said Scott-Heron, “Obama is making some amazing strides for black people everywhere, and it appears that not only will the revolution will be televised, it’ll be highly televised.  Shit [...]

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